perfect timing

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desirous of everything at the same time

Oh, hi!

Well this last month has really gone fast. I apologize for disappearing without warning. In fact, I had no idea I'd be gone so long. I got out my calendar in an effort to figure out what I was doing that kept me from my blog for so long. Here are the bits and ends of my last few weeks:

• Attending many Great Lives lectures. Most recently I learned about (Nelle) Harper Lee and I was inspired by the way she lives her life. There are many more interesting lectures coming and I plan on attending many of them.
• Contemplating entering an art show. Should I? Shouldn't I?
• Completing #25 on The List. Yes, we have a huge tipi in the middle of our living room and it is lovely. I took a nap in it this past weekend and woke with a smile on my face because, um, I woke up in a tipi.
• Taking a road trip to That Little Quilt Shop, Yoder's Country Market, the Tulikivi showroom and then to Culpeper, VA.
• Visiting friends in Maryland and northern Virginia. And, you know, making bread and gifts to share with them.
• Continuing with my drawing class. Learning to draw is like learning a new language. And it also feels that after each class I've both learned a whole lot and realized how very little I know. That old double-edged sword!
• The Hubby was out of town for a week...while I had a sinus infection.
• Attending multiple doctor appointments. All is well. But these things always take so long. So much waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
• Contemplating whether to participate in the 150-mile bike ride in June to benefit the MS Society.
• Reading, But No Elephants by Jerry Smath, too many times to count since I found it in a used book store. Is this book familiar to anybody else? I saw this book and it felt as if I fell into a childhood porthole. It is even better than I remember it.
• Enjoying three consecutive beautiful, sunny days which we spent almost entirely outside. What a welcome reprieve.
• Talking with friends: one was just diagnosed with MS, the other is in the midst of a messy divorce and the legal wrangling has reached a high pitch.
• Dealing with the fact that my family keeps eating (and I must keeping menu planning, grocery shopping and cooking) and wearing clothes (meaning I must keep doing laundry).
• Putting together an application for a work-for-hire gig. This has been a long time coming - years! - and it feels as if things are finally falling into place for me to pursue this. But just applying has been consuming most of my evening hours.
• Trying to figure out how to do this blog. I haven't been satisfied with my very shallow, daily posts. I would rather offer something of substance, though not as often. So, the search for some sort of style and balance and substance for content. Bear with me as I find my sea legs.
• Working on The List: I've purchase (but not assembled or used) a pinhole camera kit, I'm methodically reading "Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects" one chapter at a time, I've put together a list of publications to submit my quilt essay to, I'm reading my Nikon D70 camera manual and it is so interesting and I'm not even being sarcastic (if you have a digital camera and haven't yet read its manual, I urge you to do so now as opposed to waiting 6+ years like me!), deciding not to attend the Virginia Festival of the Book (sadly, the only event that was of interest to me was $100 per ticket and sold out), working on reading Shakespeare (4 down, 2 to go).
• Feeling more and more like Jack Kerouac and I have so much in common.

i am me

I have moved 14 times.

And it is only now, at age 32 after reflecting on this most recent move, that I have realized that I am me wherever I go. For a long time, I thought that moving would change me into someone better, stronger, braver, prettier... morer.

But, the truth is, wherever I go I am still me. With all my strengths and weaknesses. With all my preferences.

Sure, there are some living arrangements that make it easier (or harder) to be the person I want to be. But for the most part, the changes and tweaks that my environments have forced on me have been easily overcome or adapted to.

This is surprisingly reassuring to know. In many ways it frees me to actively grow and change now, rather than wait for better circumstances, for someday. Also, it reinforces my commitment to working on myself (in terms of education, reading, classes, nutrition, exercise, friendships, relationships) rather than working on renovating a kitchen. I can't take that kitchen with me, but I can take my mind and body.

Most importantly, I think this realization helps me understand that if I want to make a change in my life, I can - without moving. For me, moving is sort of a way to push the reset button. Moving = clean slate. But sometimes, I can't move when I want to. Sometimes, I can't move where I want to. And now I know, finally, that if I really want to make changes, if I really want a clean slate, it's got to start with me, not my home.

mad ones

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candle exploding like spiders across the stars..." ~ Jack Kerouac

solution

So, ahem, let's just say that my first winter in Virginia, after spending the previous four in beautiful, sun-drenched Tucson, has been a bit trying in the fitness department.

I was doing great until Thanksgiving: enjoying the running trails while pushing the BOB, taking long exploratory walks downtown, trekking to the river.

And then it got cold.

And I am a girl who needs to exercise. I need to sweat and move and burn energy. Otherwise, I am VERY unhappy. So, I wandered around for a while hoping the cold snap (that is to say, winter) would pass quickly. That has yet to happen.

However, the need to workout remained.

And like everybody else in the world, I've got to work within my restrictions:
1. The Hubby gets up really early to go to work. It is not physically possible to get up before him to workout.
2. I've got a child that needs constant supervision.
3. I am allergic to gyms.
4. I really didn't want to spend a billion dollars on a treadmill. (I did that once and then quickly returned it to the store because using a treadmill was the opposite of happy)
5. By the time The Hubby returns from work it is dark and much colder.

Happily, we found a solution. It's called the Kinetic Road Machine Fluid Bike Trainer. I just hook up my road bike and go, go, go while the babe sleeps. It's lovely. I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car. I don't have to wear a helmet. And it's quiet enough that I can bike in the room next to the babe so I can hear her if she needs me.

I've been using it for three weeks and I feel so much better.

fill in the blank #1

My top 5 deserted island foods are:_______________
1. granny smith apples
2. peanut butter
3. popcorn
4. sweet potatoes
5. spaghetti&pesto (that counts as one thing, right?)

What are yours?

bread alone

Without really meaning to, I have somehow started making all the bread that my family eats. This began as a sort of dalliance many months ago. Now, it's something that I do regularly. And it's all thanks to this book:

I enjoy making the free-form loaves, but I most often make pan loaves. And while they recommend making a large batch of dough and then making loaves as you need it, I find it much easier to make a large batch of dough and then make all the bread at once. I just freeze what we aren't planning to use immediately.

The most common bread I make is the soft whole wheat sandwich bread because my husband can take it to work. I've been intentionally trying new recipes as of late: quinoa bread and the mixed berry bread last week. I'm planning on the whole wheat flaxseed this week. Oh, and I use their basic whole wheat recipe to make (and freeze) pizza crust for five pizzas.

It makes baking yeast bread totally accessible. I've tried traditional bread baking in the past with no success but lots of frustration. This is a simple, easy method to make yeast bread. And it's delicious.

What are you up to in your kitchen?

6 ways to restart your day

I am not a morning person.

I found this list in an ancient Oprah magazine and have found it immensely useful since I started using it. Of course, I've adapted it a bit. Maybe it will help you, too. Unless (gasp!) you are a morning person.

1. Spend your first 15 seconds awake planning something nice to do for yourself today. This can be as simple as picking up your reserved books at the library.

2. Get up. Get vertical. Get out of bed.

3. Drink two glasses of water. Dehydration makes us tired.

4. Move it. Exercise is the number one way of chasing away a bad mood.

5. Try to pinpoint what's causing your dread and anxiety.

6. Be kind and thankful. Generosity and gratitude are both big contributors to happiness.

onward

I've signed up for an 8-week drawing class.

Like with my watercolor class, I'm nervous about my (lack of) ability, nervous about the commute (40 minute via car + 40 minute via metro), nervous that making such a commitment with my time will cause me to miss out on a different opportunity.

I went through with it because my fear of missing out on this opportunity was even greater.

My first class is Sunday. And I am terrified.

mindful ~ by mary oliver

Every day
   I see or I hear
      something
         that more or less

kills me
   with delight,
      that leaves me
         like a needle

in the haystack
   of light.
      It is what I was born for--
         to look, to listen,

to lose myself
   inside this soft world--
      to instruct myself
         over and over

in joy,
   and acclamation.
      Nor am I talking
         about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,
   the very extravagant--
      but of the ordinary,
         the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.
   Oh, good scholar,
      I say to myself,
         how can you help

but grow wise
   with such teachings
      as these---
         the untrimmable light

of the world,
   the ocean's shine,
      the prayers that are made
         out of grass?

#22

I can cross #22 off The List. I was expecting this to be a big ordeal because I was planning on making the entire album - cover, pages, binding, etc. And, well, that can add up to a lot of trips to the art store and a lot of time just making a book - not to mention actually getting the polaroids onto the pages.

On a random trip into a bookstore I found a handful of perfect and I mean perfect albums for my polaroid collection. It seemed too easy, so I walked around the store for a while trying to wrap my brain around what I was going to do, how easy and quick and simple and done this could all be if I just bought these clearance-priced albums.

I finally caved and I am so glad I did. The two completed albums look great, though the photograph doesn't necessarily convey that.

sweet potato fries

We've been plowing through the sweet potatoes over here and have recently discovered a new and simple way to prepare them. (Previously, we'd just bake them in the oven for an hour.) Now, we make sweet potato fries - without the fry! Here's how:
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
2. Peel the sweet potatoes. I peel one potato per person.
3. Slice the potatoes into fry shapes.
4. Drizzle with olive oil.
5. Add sea salt, fresh-ground black pepper and a dusting of cinnamon. Toss.
6. Spread on a rimmed pan.
7. Bake for 45-60 minutes, stirring once or twice. You'll know they are done when a fry can be smooshed between your fingers.

tonic

"We have been created for greater things. Not just to be a number in the world. Not just to go for diplomas and degrees. This work and that work. We have been created in order to love and to be loved." ~ Mother Teresa

2011 & #9

I am not much for resolutions, mostly because of my enormous birthday List I make each year. A New Year's resolution seems redundant and a bit too type A++. No? I do love the clean slate of a New Year. There is something so clean and fresh and possible about January. And the ideas about how I could have a better year, be a better person, they are abundant. Most of these ideas I just put on next year's birthday List and that's what I'm doing now with every idea except for one: I need to give more to others. Perhaps it's been the isolating nature of having a young child, the amount of energy that it takes to keep my household sort of running or maybe I'm just not as ambitious as most people, but I have not felt like I have had much to give to my friends. I've been in "take" mode for the past two years. I am not ready to run out and volunteer. I am not ready to make a sizable donation to a charity. However, I am ready to be a better listener, to raise my hand more quickly when a friend needs help, to invite a new neighbor over sooner than later and to call my siblings more regularly (at least once every two weeks). I'm not going to light the world on fire with my ambitious giving, but I am going to try to give a bit more of myself to my circle of people.


Also, I think I can cross #9 off The List. No, I haven't sold any mixed paper journals but if you were on my Christmas gift list, you got one. And since I'm sort of feeling totally overwhelmed by my List, I'm giving myself a break and counting this as done. Whew! (5 down, 28 to go - what was I thinking when I made that List!)


Went to Border's today to help my daughter spend a gift card she received for Christmas and I walked away with a couple of moleskines on clearance for .98 cents. Oh yes, and she picked out Steve Martin's The Crow: New songs for the Five String Banjo and Natalie Merchant's Leave Your Sleep. Yes. Music is a good thing.


Sorry about my prolonged absence. Insert the usual post-holiday excuse here:_____________.

merry christmas

a prayer that your Christmas be filled with peace, love, joy and happiness

I'll see you back here in 2011!

beauty berries, spotted on a walk

my new favorite word

self-possessed, adj.  showing control of one's feelings, behavior, etc; composed; poised.

chalkboard paint

Finally! Chalkboard paint in beautiful colors. I discovered this web site and have been quietly painting furniture and walls in my imagination. Now you can too. I love deep ocean and oil spill. (Though, in real life, I like to keep those two things separate!)

Which color is your favorite?

frank lloyd is haunting me

Last year I read two novels about FLW, “Loving Frank” by Nancy Horan and “The Women” by T.C. Boyle.  (The former was my favorite, by far.) And you know these things go, once you put your awareness on something, it seems to be everywhere. So here’s the web that FLW is weaving around me. Are you ready?

Shortly after I put those two books down the local arts community in Tucson hosted a studio open house. I found the most amazing art, my favorite being this. It made my stomach flip. I went back multiple times to the artist’s studio and home. Ultimately, I bought a piece.

The artist’s wife gave my family a tour of his studio and home. And the home was lovely, the most perfect house I have ever been in. No grand entrances, no granite countertops, no artificial trappings of what these modern times call “success.” What was evident was a safe, welcoming, inviting floor plan and the type of décor that suggests a life well lived: art, textiles, photographs. Things were functional and beautiful, nothing obnoxious or ostentatious. Everything was honest.

So how does this connect to FLW? One of his apprentices was the architect. (I’m not sure which one. I must find this out.) And once the artist’s gracious wife told me this, and I stood in that powerful house, I understood how relevant and radical FLW’s work is still today.

Fast forward a few months and I’m taking a watercolor class and decide to research my favorite watercolor artist, Carl Larsson. I picked up “Carl and Karin Larsson: creators of the Swedish Style” by Snodin and Hidemark at the library. It’s the kind of book that reveals itself over time. I could imagine discovering something each time I read it, never really understanding all of its implications. The Larssons were about a lot of things, the relevant one here is that they believed that home and family life should be beautiful.

The book mentions Ellen Key, a Swedish feminist writer who wrote on ethics, education and family life – just like the Larssons – and many other fields. It is this similar interest of the importance of family life, as well as their shared nationality, and the simple fact that they lived during the same times. I’m not sure if they ever met or collaborated though it’s interesting to see how closely connected many important people are. (By important I am referring to those people who think and contribute to the advancement of the world. This is in direct opposition to what our society deems important now: reality TV show stars, the latest antics of celebrities and buying, buying, buying.)

The FLW connection? Several of Key’s writings were translated into English by FLW’s mistress Mamah Borthwick.

The next week I’m at the library and I pick up a book, “The Red Rose Crew: A True Story of Women, Winning and the Water” by Daniel J. Boyne

because though I had high hopes of rowing when I moved out here, it seems that I should have moved to Alexandria, VA – an hour north – if I wanted to give it a go. So it seems that this book will have to satisfy my desire to row. (I did not seek out this book; it was just in a display of books about boats. I casually picked it up.) I begin reading the book and first learn about Carie Graves, who eventually becomes the lead rower of the first international women’s crew team.

The FLW connection? Graves was raised in Spring Green, Wisconsin which also happens to be FLW’s home base. Graves’ childhood was filled with a conflicting mish-mash of reserved, conservative farmers and the bohemian, creative, free-wheeling element that FLW brought to that part of the world.

Do you believe me yet that FLW is haunting me?

Finally, driving to my book binding class I pass a sign for the Pope-Leighey House. I discover that this house was designed by FLW and is a “modestly-scaled family dwelling that was (relatively) affordable, designed for family life, and responded to the surrounding environment.”

Of course, I need to visit it and soon. Not just because I’m here but because I am curious how similar it is to the house in Tucson that is a “modestly-scaled family dwelling” that was designed by one of his many apprentices.

Also, I really don’t think FLW will leave me alone until I do.

gollie, that was good

Inspired. Uncategorizable. Different. Welcome.

Bink & Gollie by Kate DiCamillo and Alison McGhee