i am me

I have moved 14 times.

And it is only now, at age 32 after reflecting on this most recent move, that I have realized that I am me wherever I go. For a long time, I thought that moving would change me into someone better, stronger, braver, prettier... morer.

But, the truth is, wherever I go I am still me. With all my strengths and weaknesses. With all my preferences.

Sure, there are some living arrangements that make it easier (or harder) to be the person I want to be. But for the most part, the changes and tweaks that my environments have forced on me have been easily overcome or adapted to.

This is surprisingly reassuring to know. In many ways it frees me to actively grow and change now, rather than wait for better circumstances, for someday. Also, it reinforces my commitment to working on myself (in terms of education, reading, classes, nutrition, exercise, friendships, relationships) rather than working on renovating a kitchen. I can't take that kitchen with me, but I can take my mind and body.

Most importantly, I think this realization helps me understand that if I want to make a change in my life, I can - without moving. For me, moving is sort of a way to push the reset button. Moving = clean slate. But sometimes, I can't move when I want to. Sometimes, I can't move where I want to. And now I know, finally, that if I really want to make changes, if I really want a clean slate, it's got to start with me, not my home.

mad ones

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candle exploding like spiders across the stars..." ~ Jack Kerouac

solution

So, ahem, let's just say that my first winter in Virginia, after spending the previous four in beautiful, sun-drenched Tucson, has been a bit trying in the fitness department.

I was doing great until Thanksgiving: enjoying the running trails while pushing the BOB, taking long exploratory walks downtown, trekking to the river.

And then it got cold.

And I am a girl who needs to exercise. I need to sweat and move and burn energy. Otherwise, I am VERY unhappy. So, I wandered around for a while hoping the cold snap (that is to say, winter) would pass quickly. That has yet to happen.

However, the need to workout remained.

And like everybody else in the world, I've got to work within my restrictions:
1. The Hubby gets up really early to go to work. It is not physically possible to get up before him to workout.
2. I've got a child that needs constant supervision.
3. I am allergic to gyms.
4. I really didn't want to spend a billion dollars on a treadmill. (I did that once and then quickly returned it to the store because using a treadmill was the opposite of happy)
5. By the time The Hubby returns from work it is dark and much colder.

Happily, we found a solution. It's called the Kinetic Road Machine Fluid Bike Trainer. I just hook up my road bike and go, go, go while the babe sleeps. It's lovely. I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car. I don't have to wear a helmet. And it's quiet enough that I can bike in the room next to the babe so I can hear her if she needs me.

I've been using it for three weeks and I feel so much better.

fill in the blank #1

My top 5 deserted island foods are:_______________
1. granny smith apples
2. peanut butter
3. popcorn
4. sweet potatoes
5. spaghetti&pesto (that counts as one thing, right?)

What are yours?

bread alone

Without really meaning to, I have somehow started making all the bread that my family eats. This began as a sort of dalliance many months ago. Now, it's something that I do regularly. And it's all thanks to this book:

I enjoy making the free-form loaves, but I most often make pan loaves. And while they recommend making a large batch of dough and then making loaves as you need it, I find it much easier to make a large batch of dough and then make all the bread at once. I just freeze what we aren't planning to use immediately.

The most common bread I make is the soft whole wheat sandwich bread because my husband can take it to work. I've been intentionally trying new recipes as of late: quinoa bread and the mixed berry bread last week. I'm planning on the whole wheat flaxseed this week. Oh, and I use their basic whole wheat recipe to make (and freeze) pizza crust for five pizzas.

It makes baking yeast bread totally accessible. I've tried traditional bread baking in the past with no success but lots of frustration. This is a simple, easy method to make yeast bread. And it's delicious.

What are you up to in your kitchen?

6 ways to restart your day

I am not a morning person.

I found this list in an ancient Oprah magazine and have found it immensely useful since I started using it. Of course, I've adapted it a bit. Maybe it will help you, too. Unless (gasp!) you are a morning person.

1. Spend your first 15 seconds awake planning something nice to do for yourself today. This can be as simple as picking up your reserved books at the library.

2. Get up. Get vertical. Get out of bed.

3. Drink two glasses of water. Dehydration makes us tired.

4. Move it. Exercise is the number one way of chasing away a bad mood.

5. Try to pinpoint what's causing your dread and anxiety.

6. Be kind and thankful. Generosity and gratitude are both big contributors to happiness.

onward

I've signed up for an 8-week drawing class.

Like with my watercolor class, I'm nervous about my (lack of) ability, nervous about the commute (40 minute via car + 40 minute via metro), nervous that making such a commitment with my time will cause me to miss out on a different opportunity.

I went through with it because my fear of missing out on this opportunity was even greater.

My first class is Sunday. And I am terrified.

mindful ~ by mary oliver

Every day
   I see or I hear
      something
         that more or less

kills me
   with delight,
      that leaves me
         like a needle

in the haystack
   of light.
      It is what I was born for--
         to look, to listen,

to lose myself
   inside this soft world--
      to instruct myself
         over and over

in joy,
   and acclamation.
      Nor am I talking
         about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,
   the very extravagant--
      but of the ordinary,
         the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.
   Oh, good scholar,
      I say to myself,
         how can you help

but grow wise
   with such teachings
      as these---
         the untrimmable light

of the world,
   the ocean's shine,
      the prayers that are made
         out of grass?

#22

I can cross #22 off The List. I was expecting this to be a big ordeal because I was planning on making the entire album - cover, pages, binding, etc. And, well, that can add up to a lot of trips to the art store and a lot of time just making a book - not to mention actually getting the polaroids onto the pages.

On a random trip into a bookstore I found a handful of perfect and I mean perfect albums for my polaroid collection. It seemed too easy, so I walked around the store for a while trying to wrap my brain around what I was going to do, how easy and quick and simple and done this could all be if I just bought these clearance-priced albums.

I finally caved and I am so glad I did. The two completed albums look great, though the photograph doesn't necessarily convey that.

sweet potato fries

We've been plowing through the sweet potatoes over here and have recently discovered a new and simple way to prepare them. (Previously, we'd just bake them in the oven for an hour.) Now, we make sweet potato fries - without the fry! Here's how:
1. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.
2. Peel the sweet potatoes. I peel one potato per person.
3. Slice the potatoes into fry shapes.
4. Drizzle with olive oil.
5. Add sea salt, fresh-ground black pepper and a dusting of cinnamon. Toss.
6. Spread on a rimmed pan.
7. Bake for 45-60 minutes, stirring once or twice. You'll know they are done when a fry can be smooshed between your fingers.

tonic

"We have been created for greater things. Not just to be a number in the world. Not just to go for diplomas and degrees. This work and that work. We have been created in order to love and to be loved." ~ Mother Teresa

2011 & #9

I am not much for resolutions, mostly because of my enormous birthday List I make each year. A New Year's resolution seems redundant and a bit too type A++. No? I do love the clean slate of a New Year. There is something so clean and fresh and possible about January. And the ideas about how I could have a better year, be a better person, they are abundant. Most of these ideas I just put on next year's birthday List and that's what I'm doing now with every idea except for one: I need to give more to others. Perhaps it's been the isolating nature of having a young child, the amount of energy that it takes to keep my household sort of running or maybe I'm just not as ambitious as most people, but I have not felt like I have had much to give to my friends. I've been in "take" mode for the past two years. I am not ready to run out and volunteer. I am not ready to make a sizable donation to a charity. However, I am ready to be a better listener, to raise my hand more quickly when a friend needs help, to invite a new neighbor over sooner than later and to call my siblings more regularly (at least once every two weeks). I'm not going to light the world on fire with my ambitious giving, but I am going to try to give a bit more of myself to my circle of people.


Also, I think I can cross #9 off The List. No, I haven't sold any mixed paper journals but if you were on my Christmas gift list, you got one. And since I'm sort of feeling totally overwhelmed by my List, I'm giving myself a break and counting this as done. Whew! (5 down, 28 to go - what was I thinking when I made that List!)


Went to Border's today to help my daughter spend a gift card she received for Christmas and I walked away with a couple of moleskines on clearance for .98 cents. Oh yes, and she picked out Steve Martin's The Crow: New songs for the Five String Banjo and Natalie Merchant's Leave Your Sleep. Yes. Music is a good thing.


Sorry about my prolonged absence. Insert the usual post-holiday excuse here:_____________.