blossom bliss

amidst a grove of cherry trees

jefferson memorial across the tidal basin

no crowds!

On Monday, the entire family ventured into Washington D.C. to partake in the Cherry Blossom Festival. We were hoping to avoid the crowds by not going on a weekend, so when I awoke on Monday and discovered that it was COLD (in the 30s) I knew we were golden. There were very few people to contend with on this blustery, Monday morning. We bundled up and enjoyed our adventure.

The trees were lovely. Beyond magical.

As I strolled amidst the cherry boughs, it made me happy to think about the throngs of people - in the midst of our technologically overloaded culture - who still make the time, set the intention, to go and enjoy a bunch of trees.

Happy.

#6

Another one down!

I have submitted my quilt essay to five different publications.

Now, I wait.

#20

Finally.

Finally.

Finally.

Should I say it again? No? OK.

Well, I can finally cross #20 off The List. It doesn't seem like such a remarkable accomplishment, reading a camera manual, I know. But, it is one of those things that has been on my to-do list for 4 years. 4 YEARS. And today I finally finished reading that manual and crossed that beast off my List.

The relief is sweet.

beauty matters

I was just reading as article in the Boston Globe that discusses Cornell professor Brian Wansinks' work in trying to improve school food. In part it reads:

"But it turns out that students are susceptible to the same marketing strategies that grocery stores have been using for years. Several experiments have shown that children will be more likely to eat items if they see them early in the lunch line and find them attractive and convenient to pick up. Putting fruit in a good-looking bowl works. So does putting a salad bar in a prominent place. Calling your carrots “X-ray vision carrots” can double sales."

I am struck by the idea that putting fruit in good-looking bowls increases a students' chances of actually selecting that fruit and then eating it. The irony is delicious.

As we cut, cut, cut school budgets across the the country, art and music are usually the first to go. But this simple example shows that these "frivolous" concepts of beauty really do matter. They aren't just a nice little add-on, a bonus.

If an apple doesn't look appealing, a child won't take it, won't eat it. Does it get any more fundamental than that?

Read more about this subject here.

love after love by derek walcott

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

there may be some nudity

Since I started my drawing class, I've been all about drawing small shelters: airstreams, tipis, little cabins, tents. It's what I've been attracted to lately. And this practice of drawing shelters has been very satisfying.

Then, I missed last week's class because I was so sick. I'm better now: I'm functioning at about 80%. I can get through the day, keep up with the basic tasks, but I am regularly blowing my nose into my hanky and a certain sharpness is definitely missing.

Anyway, I went to this week's class totally unaware of what was in store. We started with a 5-minute demonstration about figure drawing and then because our model was late the class members took turns "modeling" and generally just being really goofy while the others were busy catching that person's body gesture.

I was having a lovely time, so lovely that my instructor made a comment to me that she could tell I was really enjoying myself. I did not see this emotion coming and frankly I was so enthralled with drawing that I was too close to my own experience to be able to say, "I love this! I am having so much fun!" But, I was.

And then our model arrived. And somewhere between me blowing my nose and getting a new piece of paper ready and finding a new chunk of charcoal, a naked (oops, I mean nude) woman was all of a sudden sitting about 10 feet away from me.

For some reason I hadn't made the connection between model and nude. And there were about three minutes of my brain repeating, "that woman is naked, that woman is naked, that woman is naked."

And then we started drawing and I forgot that she was nude. She was just what I was drawing. And I tell you, it was a lovely experience: to see a body without judging, to see a body as a thing to render. I was a little disturbed at how quickly I objectified her: she was an object that I was drawing. But, objectifying seems so negative and harsh and judgmental. I did not feel that way toward this woman. I guess I'm at a loss for words.

I was enamored, awed and wowed by her total body confidence. To stand, sit, twist while nude in front of a room full of people is courageous in this culture of "you are never thin enough." And this woman was not an anorexic twit. She was round, full-bodied and lovely.

And at this moment I am feeling so grateful for my own body, with all its flaws and shortcomings, puckers and rolls. I am feeling less judgment and more kindness toward myself and others. Our bodies our beautiful, whatever their shape, whatever their size. Amen.

off the wagon!

Two months ago I decided to give up coffee because...

Wait. Why does anyone ever give up coffee? Oh, yes. I gave up coffee because the caffeine was getting me really wired and goofy. I had a sinus infection at the time and was sticking to drinking herbal tea until things settled down. And I just realized that now would be a good time to stop drinking coffee. So I did. It was no big deal.

Let me be clear. I was not weaning myself off drinking a gallon a day. I was weaning myself off of about 8 oz. per day - give or take 2 oz. No big deal.

A few weeks ago I started getting up really early (too early) to write and have some "me" time and I started drinking coffee again. I missed my coffee so I started drinking it again. There is something very nice about selecting my mug for the day, holding that warm goodness in my hands, smelling the coffee aroma and just enjoying the ritual.

So some new friends come over and I offer them coffee or tea. Everybody wants tea except one lady who sidles up to me and says, "I'm going to be bad and have the coffee. I had given it up..."

I turned to her and said, "I gave it up, too. And when I started drinking it again I wondered why I had ever stopped. Drinking coffee was like strapping a rocket booster on my butt! I actually got things done."

Of course, now I have another sinus infection. But, I don't blame that on coffee. I blame it on Virginia. I'm pretty sure that I'm allergic to this place: three sinus infections in five months. Yuck.

a moveable feast ~ by ernest hemingway

"You got very hungry when you did not eat enough in Paris because all the bakery shops had such good things in the windows and people ate outside at tables on the sidewalks so that you saw and smelled the food. When you had given up journalism and were writing nothing that anyone in America would buy, explaining at home that you were lunching out with someone, the best place to go was the Luxembourg gardens where you saw and smelled nothing to eat all the way from the Place de l'Observatoire to the rue de Vaugirard. There you could always go into the Luxembourg museum and all the paintings were sharpened and clearer and more beautiful if you were belly-empty, hollow-hungry. I learned to understand Cezanne much better and to see truly how he made landscapes when I was hungry. I used to wonder if he were hungry too when he painted; but I thought possibly it was only that he had forgotten to eat. It was one of those unsound but illuminating thoughts you have when you have been sleepless or hungry. Later I though Cezanne was probably hungry in a different way."

a delicate thread

I just reconnected with a friend from graduate school. It's been 8 years (gulp!) since we'd last seen each other. We had not spoken on the phone during that time. We did send an occasional e-mail, Christmas card or hand-written note.

Between the two of us there have been many, many moves, i.e. changes in contact information. We've been busy with husbands, jobs, local friends, family obligations, children.

The thread that has held us together has been very delicate at times.

Miraculously, gloriously, it didn't break.

On Saturday, I heard my friend's voice for the first time in 8 years. I saw her beautiful face. And it was as if no time had passed. The connection was fierce, remembered, very present. And so strong.

Talking with her was like giving my fire more fuel and oxygen.

I share this not to brag. (woo hoo people like me!) I am sharing because I realize that we came so close, so scarily close, to letting this friendship fall by the wayside. I sort of gasp when I think of that happening.

The connections we share with people vary: close, distant, obligatory. But when you have a connection that is very powerful, well, you just can't buy that. It is either present or it is not. And we all know it doesn't happen every day.

I can count on one hand the people with whom I share this kind of connection.

So my challenge to you is to call, write, e-mail, hunt down, contact that person with whom you've lost contact. Make a plan. Reconnect. Life is too short, too crazy, too busy, not to keep those whom are the most important to you in your life. Not to bring that person who connects to your soul back into your life.

You won't regret it.

perfect timing

If you are a writer, check out this link.
(That means you, Shannon!)

desirous of everything at the same time

Oh, hi!

Well this last month has really gone fast. I apologize for disappearing without warning. In fact, I had no idea I'd be gone so long. I got out my calendar in an effort to figure out what I was doing that kept me from my blog for so long. Here are the bits and ends of my last few weeks:

• Attending many Great Lives lectures. Most recently I learned about (Nelle) Harper Lee and I was inspired by the way she lives her life. There are many more interesting lectures coming and I plan on attending many of them.
• Contemplating entering an art show. Should I? Shouldn't I?
• Completing #25 on The List. Yes, we have a huge tipi in the middle of our living room and it is lovely. I took a nap in it this past weekend and woke with a smile on my face because, um, I woke up in a tipi.
• Taking a road trip to That Little Quilt Shop, Yoder's Country Market, the Tulikivi showroom and then to Culpeper, VA.
• Visiting friends in Maryland and northern Virginia. And, you know, making bread and gifts to share with them.
• Continuing with my drawing class. Learning to draw is like learning a new language. And it also feels that after each class I've both learned a whole lot and realized how very little I know. That old double-edged sword!
• The Hubby was out of town for a week...while I had a sinus infection.
• Attending multiple doctor appointments. All is well. But these things always take so long. So much waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting.
• Contemplating whether to participate in the 150-mile bike ride in June to benefit the MS Society.
• Reading, But No Elephants by Jerry Smath, too many times to count since I found it in a used book store. Is this book familiar to anybody else? I saw this book and it felt as if I fell into a childhood porthole. It is even better than I remember it.
• Enjoying three consecutive beautiful, sunny days which we spent almost entirely outside. What a welcome reprieve.
• Talking with friends: one was just diagnosed with MS, the other is in the midst of a messy divorce and the legal wrangling has reached a high pitch.
• Dealing with the fact that my family keeps eating (and I must keeping menu planning, grocery shopping and cooking) and wearing clothes (meaning I must keep doing laundry).
• Putting together an application for a work-for-hire gig. This has been a long time coming - years! - and it feels as if things are finally falling into place for me to pursue this. But just applying has been consuming most of my evening hours.
• Trying to figure out how to do this blog. I haven't been satisfied with my very shallow, daily posts. I would rather offer something of substance, though not as often. So, the search for some sort of style and balance and substance for content. Bear with me as I find my sea legs.
• Working on The List: I've purchase (but not assembled or used) a pinhole camera kit, I'm methodically reading "Grammatical Choices, Rhetorical Effects" one chapter at a time, I've put together a list of publications to submit my quilt essay to, I'm reading my Nikon D70 camera manual and it is so interesting and I'm not even being sarcastic (if you have a digital camera and haven't yet read its manual, I urge you to do so now as opposed to waiting 6+ years like me!), deciding not to attend the Virginia Festival of the Book (sadly, the only event that was of interest to me was $100 per ticket and sold out), working on reading Shakespeare (4 down, 2 to go).
• Feeling more and more like Jack Kerouac and I have so much in common.

i am me

I have moved 14 times.

And it is only now, at age 32 after reflecting on this most recent move, that I have realized that I am me wherever I go. For a long time, I thought that moving would change me into someone better, stronger, braver, prettier... morer.

But, the truth is, wherever I go I am still me. With all my strengths and weaknesses. With all my preferences.

Sure, there are some living arrangements that make it easier (or harder) to be the person I want to be. But for the most part, the changes and tweaks that my environments have forced on me have been easily overcome or adapted to.

This is surprisingly reassuring to know. In many ways it frees me to actively grow and change now, rather than wait for better circumstances, for someday. Also, it reinforces my commitment to working on myself (in terms of education, reading, classes, nutrition, exercise, friendships, relationships) rather than working on renovating a kitchen. I can't take that kitchen with me, but I can take my mind and body.

Most importantly, I think this realization helps me understand that if I want to make a change in my life, I can - without moving. For me, moving is sort of a way to push the reset button. Moving = clean slate. But sometimes, I can't move when I want to. Sometimes, I can't move where I want to. And now I know, finally, that if I really want to make changes, if I really want a clean slate, it's got to start with me, not my home.

mad ones

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candle exploding like spiders across the stars..." ~ Jack Kerouac

solution

So, ahem, let's just say that my first winter in Virginia, after spending the previous four in beautiful, sun-drenched Tucson, has been a bit trying in the fitness department.

I was doing great until Thanksgiving: enjoying the running trails while pushing the BOB, taking long exploratory walks downtown, trekking to the river.

And then it got cold.

And I am a girl who needs to exercise. I need to sweat and move and burn energy. Otherwise, I am VERY unhappy. So, I wandered around for a while hoping the cold snap (that is to say, winter) would pass quickly. That has yet to happen.

However, the need to workout remained.

And like everybody else in the world, I've got to work within my restrictions:
1. The Hubby gets up really early to go to work. It is not physically possible to get up before him to workout.
2. I've got a child that needs constant supervision.
3. I am allergic to gyms.
4. I really didn't want to spend a billion dollars on a treadmill. (I did that once and then quickly returned it to the store because using a treadmill was the opposite of happy)
5. By the time The Hubby returns from work it is dark and much colder.

Happily, we found a solution. It's called the Kinetic Road Machine Fluid Bike Trainer. I just hook up my road bike and go, go, go while the babe sleeps. It's lovely. I don't have to worry about getting hit by a car. I don't have to wear a helmet. And it's quiet enough that I can bike in the room next to the babe so I can hear her if she needs me.

I've been using it for three weeks and I feel so much better.

fill in the blank #1

My top 5 deserted island foods are:_______________
1. granny smith apples
2. peanut butter
3. popcorn
4. sweet potatoes
5. spaghetti&pesto (that counts as one thing, right?)

What are yours?

bread alone

Without really meaning to, I have somehow started making all the bread that my family eats. This began as a sort of dalliance many months ago. Now, it's something that I do regularly. And it's all thanks to this book:

I enjoy making the free-form loaves, but I most often make pan loaves. And while they recommend making a large batch of dough and then making loaves as you need it, I find it much easier to make a large batch of dough and then make all the bread at once. I just freeze what we aren't planning to use immediately.

The most common bread I make is the soft whole wheat sandwich bread because my husband can take it to work. I've been intentionally trying new recipes as of late: quinoa bread and the mixed berry bread last week. I'm planning on the whole wheat flaxseed this week. Oh, and I use their basic whole wheat recipe to make (and freeze) pizza crust for five pizzas.

It makes baking yeast bread totally accessible. I've tried traditional bread baking in the past with no success but lots of frustration. This is a simple, easy method to make yeast bread. And it's delicious.

What are you up to in your kitchen?

6 ways to restart your day

I am not a morning person.

I found this list in an ancient Oprah magazine and have found it immensely useful since I started using it. Of course, I've adapted it a bit. Maybe it will help you, too. Unless (gasp!) you are a morning person.

1. Spend your first 15 seconds awake planning something nice to do for yourself today. This can be as simple as picking up your reserved books at the library.

2. Get up. Get vertical. Get out of bed.

3. Drink two glasses of water. Dehydration makes us tired.

4. Move it. Exercise is the number one way of chasing away a bad mood.

5. Try to pinpoint what's causing your dread and anxiety.

6. Be kind and thankful. Generosity and gratitude are both big contributors to happiness.

onward

I've signed up for an 8-week drawing class.

Like with my watercolor class, I'm nervous about my (lack of) ability, nervous about the commute (40 minute via car + 40 minute via metro), nervous that making such a commitment with my time will cause me to miss out on a different opportunity.

I went through with it because my fear of missing out on this opportunity was even greater.

My first class is Sunday. And I am terrified.

mindful ~ by mary oliver

Every day
   I see or I hear
      something
         that more or less

kills me
   with delight,
      that leaves me
         like a needle

in the haystack
   of light.
      It is what I was born for--
         to look, to listen,

to lose myself
   inside this soft world--
      to instruct myself
         over and over

in joy,
   and acclamation.
      Nor am I talking
         about the exceptional,

the fearful, the dreadful,
   the very extravagant--
      but of the ordinary,
         the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.
   Oh, good scholar,
      I say to myself,
         how can you help

but grow wise
   with such teachings
      as these---
         the untrimmable light

of the world,
   the ocean's shine,
      the prayers that are made
         out of grass?

#22

I can cross #22 off The List. I was expecting this to be a big ordeal because I was planning on making the entire album - cover, pages, binding, etc. And, well, that can add up to a lot of trips to the art store and a lot of time just making a book - not to mention actually getting the polaroids onto the pages.

On a random trip into a bookstore I found a handful of perfect and I mean perfect albums for my polaroid collection. It seemed too easy, so I walked around the store for a while trying to wrap my brain around what I was going to do, how easy and quick and simple and done this could all be if I just bought these clearance-priced albums.

I finally caved and I am so glad I did. The two completed albums look great, though the photograph doesn't necessarily convey that.