there may be some nudity

Since I started my drawing class, I've been all about drawing small shelters: airstreams, tipis, little cabins, tents. It's what I've been attracted to lately. And this practice of drawing shelters has been very satisfying.

Then, I missed last week's class because I was so sick. I'm better now: I'm functioning at about 80%. I can get through the day, keep up with the basic tasks, but I am regularly blowing my nose into my hanky and a certain sharpness is definitely missing.

Anyway, I went to this week's class totally unaware of what was in store. We started with a 5-minute demonstration about figure drawing and then because our model was late the class members took turns "modeling" and generally just being really goofy while the others were busy catching that person's body gesture.

I was having a lovely time, so lovely that my instructor made a comment to me that she could tell I was really enjoying myself. I did not see this emotion coming and frankly I was so enthralled with drawing that I was too close to my own experience to be able to say, "I love this! I am having so much fun!" But, I was.

And then our model arrived. And somewhere between me blowing my nose and getting a new piece of paper ready and finding a new chunk of charcoal, a naked (oops, I mean nude) woman was all of a sudden sitting about 10 feet away from me.

For some reason I hadn't made the connection between model and nude. And there were about three minutes of my brain repeating, "that woman is naked, that woman is naked, that woman is naked."

And then we started drawing and I forgot that she was nude. She was just what I was drawing. And I tell you, it was a lovely experience: to see a body without judging, to see a body as a thing to render. I was a little disturbed at how quickly I objectified her: she was an object that I was drawing. But, objectifying seems so negative and harsh and judgmental. I did not feel that way toward this woman. I guess I'm at a loss for words.

I was enamored, awed and wowed by her total body confidence. To stand, sit, twist while nude in front of a room full of people is courageous in this culture of "you are never thin enough." And this woman was not an anorexic twit. She was round, full-bodied and lovely.

And at this moment I am feeling so grateful for my own body, with all its flaws and shortcomings, puckers and rolls. I am feeling less judgment and more kindness toward myself and others. Our bodies our beautiful, whatever their shape, whatever their size. Amen.