i am me

I have moved 14 times.

And it is only now, at age 32 after reflecting on this most recent move, that I have realized that I am me wherever I go. For a long time, I thought that moving would change me into someone better, stronger, braver, prettier... morer.

But, the truth is, wherever I go I am still me. With all my strengths and weaknesses. With all my preferences.

Sure, there are some living arrangements that make it easier (or harder) to be the person I want to be. But for the most part, the changes and tweaks that my environments have forced on me have been easily overcome or adapted to.

This is surprisingly reassuring to know. In many ways it frees me to actively grow and change now, rather than wait for better circumstances, for someday. Also, it reinforces my commitment to working on myself (in terms of education, reading, classes, nutrition, exercise, friendships, relationships) rather than working on renovating a kitchen. I can't take that kitchen with me, but I can take my mind and body.

Most importantly, I think this realization helps me understand that if I want to make a change in my life, I can - without moving. For me, moving is sort of a way to push the reset button. Moving = clean slate. But sometimes, I can't move when I want to. Sometimes, I can't move where I want to. And now I know, finally, that if I really want to make changes, if I really want a clean slate, it's got to start with me, not my home.