cookie connection

My family has lived in Fredericksburg, VA for two months now and our transition has been a very smooth one largely because our dearest friends live here. Their presence here was one of the driving factors that made it seem like taking this 18-month assignment like not such a loony idea. I highly recommend having a best friend in place in your new home the next time you move. See if the powers that be can add that to your relocation package!

A small, negligible side effect of having dear friends already in place is that we really haven’t made an effort to get to know others in our neighborhood. We did make the rounds at Halloween specifically to meet people and this effort has netted us a lot of people to wave to when we walk or drive through the neighborhood. But, it has not moved beyond the friendly wave.

I am not overly concerned about this for two reasons: 1. We already have great friends in the area and 2. We are only going to be here for 16 more months. How much effort do I want to put into friendships that may be short-lived? The thought that trumps these two factors is the plain and simple idea that I WANT to try and befriend my neighbors. Some deep down desire is urging me to reach out. And obviously, I could use the practice making friends.

Our neighborhood is like most others: people leave for work early and after a busy day they drive into their garage and close the door behind them and then they stay inside for the rest of the night. That scenario doesn’t present many opportunities to connect. However, it also doesn’t mean that people don’t need friends.

But how does one make friends? A great question for a psychologist or perhaps a doctoral student to answer. I’m not sure. And as I reflect on how I connected with my dearest friends it seems that the best answer I can give is fate, luck, circumstance or something along that line brought us together. I don’t want to leave my friendships, my connections to chance here.

Yesterday, I was at my friend’s house and she had plates of cookies on her counter to take to her neighbors. I asked her about the cookies and this launched a lengthy discussion about how much work it is to be a friend and why every moment spent trying to befriend someone is well spent time.

In the midst of that conversation, I decided that I’d make cookies and take them to the three families whose waves and smiles have regularly brightened my day.

At the moment, the cookie dough is in the fridge and I have an afternoon cleared to bake.

I’ll report back with the results when I get them.

How do you make friends?